Australians in lockdown due to coronavirus received a boost today from one of the country’s finest songwriters. Paul Kelly, known for his recipe-based Christmas song “How to Make Gravy”, has returned to lend his support for those doing it tough in self-isolation with a new tune, “How to Use Gravy (in a Crisis)”.
In a statement, Kelly explained, “Gravy is simple to make at home with a few simple ingredients, as I outlined in How to Make Gravy. My new song gets more practical. People will be really surprised to learn how versatile gravy is. It’s amazing stuff.”
“In the first verse I describe how to use gravy to regrout your bathroom tiles. It goes on smooth but dries hard. It’s an easy job that most people put off but with more time on your hands, now is the perfect time to tackle a job like that.”
But it’s not just the bathroom that Kelly sets his sights on, it’s also the bedroom. “Lockdown is affecting many people’s libido, and if you’re isolating alone or with partner, gravy makes a fantastic lube,” Kelly said of the gelatinous sauce.
The other seventeen verses go on to describe other methods for applying gravy to your everyday life, such as how leftover gravy can be rolled into a rubbery ball to keep the kids stuck at home occupied for hours.
Kelly added one last piece of advice for those planning to apply his words: “Whether you’re using gravy for grout or lube, just remember to add a dollop of tomato sauce for sweetness and that extra tang.”
“How to Use Gravy (in a Crisis)” is set to hit streaming services on Friday.